 |
|
|
|
 |
 |
| |
ResourceSpotlight:
Naomi Aldort's
Raising Our
Children,
Raising
Ourselves
Naomi
Aldort's counseling information and selected articles can be found at
the AuthenticParent.com, and her new book, Raising Our Children, Raising
Ourselves (2006), offers readers her parenting wisdom
in a wonderful, practical package now available worldwide.
Book
Description:
Every parent would happily give up ever scolding, punishing or
threatening if
she only knew how to ensure that her toddler/child/teen would thrive
and act responsibly without such painful measures. Raising Our
Children, Raising Ourselves is the answer to this universal wish. It is
not about nice and kind ways to control or elicit cooperation, but a
way of connecting and of understanding your child so she/he can be the
best of herself, not because she fears you or wants to impress you, but
because she wants to, of her own free will.
After years of assisting hundreds of families to bring peace and joy
into their lives, Naomi Aldort now offers in this book a way of
parenting that allows the child’s natural competence and
caring to unfold. The book provides tools for understanding babies,
toddlers, children and teen’s behaviors so that you (the
parent) are able to prevent difficulties and heal existing ones.
Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is filled with real life
stories that demonstrate how events that would normally erupt into a
great stressful upheaval can become heart warming experiences of caring
and growing. Some stories will move you to tears, others to laughter,
and the book will not cease to challenge every parenting assumption
that stands in the way of unconditional love. It will leave you feeling
relieved and free to celebrate every minute of this amazing journey
with your child/ren.
Reader's Reviews:
I bought the book after
reading some of the comments at the AlwaysUnschooled list about it and
just finished it.
WOW. I read a lot of books, and I read a lot of parenting books, but
this book has ideas in it that I have truly not encountered before!
Impressive. Here are my initial reactions/things that struck me:
The idea of reflecting and mirroring but not adding "drama" or "story"
to an incident.
Also, the idea that trying to jump in immediately and compensate or fix
the child's problem is really more about my
inability to cope with the problem! That had never occurred to me, but
I immediately felt the truth of it.
S: of her S.A.L.V.E. formula is Separate yourself, have Silent Self
Talk.
I've just started really noticing the things I tend to say in stressful
situations. "I can't deal with the noise," "you are making me a little
bit crazy," "you must stop crying right now!"
So, using tools from the book, I can look at these statements/ thoughts
and ask myself- Is this really true? Is this the parent I really am? If
I didn't
have this thought, how would I feel?
Then, I can let those thoughts go, not voice them, and reflect what is
happening without judging, or adding to it:
"You are crying because you want me to get you the juice," which before
I might have said, "You are mad because you want the juice now," so I
see the value in not naming her feelings for her. (Well, honestly,
usually I would say something more like, "I see you want juice! Do you
see me going to the bathroom? I can't get the juice this minute. Stop
crying! I am going insane!" lol) But anyway, maybe she isn't mad; maybe
she was sad because I was ignoring her (in her eyes), or maybe she
didn't know how she felt, but now thinking about how mad she is makes
it harder to get over, or helps her to think that you should be mad
when you don't get what you want, etc.
I have actually seen in the last couple days how just validating or
verbalizing what I see, without a judgement or a fix, is all that is
really needed.
—Nancy
I'm approximately half way through the book and am really enjoying it.
I think the SALVE
definately helps, especially the first part, Stop, since that is where
our "in
the moment"
reactions come out before we have time to think.
—Julie
I truly love it, the tools, the examples, the exact way it lays out what I deal
with in my head
every day. I've already incorporated (or at least begun using) several of the
techniques. I
"rewound" today when 3.5 ds climbed on the counter again as I was cooking (after
being
asked not to) and I heard a crash behind me. He knocked a plant off a high
cabinet shelf.
Dirt and leaves lay in paint and coloring books (lucky no one was hurt), and as I
saw the
damage I reacted with my "Argh, what did you do?!" angry face. And as my poor
little guy
slumped into the counter seat and looked at me, tears welling, I "rewound" and
literally
backtracked, started over, and ran to him and told him it was okay. For a second
he said
"I'm not talking to YOU," but when I bent down to look in his eyes, he reached for
me and
wrapped his little legs around my waist and hung on for dear life. I was able to
tell him I
knew that he musta been scared, it was loud, it scared me too, validate,
validate... I
needed this tool, to help me when I am so often not so perfect. (Side note:
After I repotted
the plant and put it back, he grinned and said, "You put a band-aid on it?!" LOL!)
8 yo ds is sitting with me right now, very frustrated over a flashlight he can't
seem to fix,
and he is responding so well to my mirroring, simple validating. He has decided
that it's
okay, at least he can use the parts...
I am sure I will be singing this book's praises many more times. And reading it
again and
again until the new pathways in my brain are permanent.
—Dawn |
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
