I am also the mom of a young toddler (15 mo), and I agree that problem-solving with a toddler brings its own challenges.

One thing I have found helpful is to try to focus on the needs and to be open to as many different solutions to those needs as possible— instead of becoming fixated on a particular outcome. So if in a given situation, the problem is that you are getting really bored, what are all the different ways to solve that? Switching activities is the obvious one, but what are some others? Our ds loves playing in the car and he can enjoy doing so for up to 30-40 minutes. When I am able to wait that long, I find that it helps for me to read a book, work on a puzzle, make a grocery list, make a phone call, or clean out the car, etc. so that I'm not simply waiting. When I don't feel totally bored by sitting in the car, I'm able to give him more time and space to do what he wants. (When I can't wait that long, I try to find ways to make getting in his seat more agreeable—the right book or toy to play with usually helps; when he's very tired, nursing while being buckled in helps, though it requires a certain amount of acrobatics on my part.) In the same way, I have found that I can usually lay down to nurse with him at night for about 45 minutes before getting bored and antsy. Usually he falls asleep before then, but when he needs a super long nursing sessions, I've looked for ways to relieve the boredom—sometimes dh comes and snuggles with us and the company helps; so does listening to music or books on tape with earphones. Perhaps brainstorming some creative ways to relieve boredom might help.

Also, I don't think toddlers are going to agree to something because it's "fair"—as in, we change activities when you're tired of them, so you should change activities when we are tired of them. Rather, they will agree to something only when it is more interesting/fun/exciting etc. than whatever they are currently doing. In the street light example, perhaps instead of trying to get his agreement to leave the streetlight (which is no fun), you could find something fun to go to—hey, look at that little dog across the street, or let's go see what daddy's doing in the restaurant, etc.

Before asking ds to transition, I usually try to figure out what I can offer as a substitute. The challenge at his current age is that when he is fixated on a certain thing, as long as it is in front of him, it is hard for him to engage with something else. So if he's fixated on playing near the busy intersection near our house, which is not safe, as long as he can see the intersection, he really will not get interested in anything else. In cases like that I've resorted to picking him up to carry him up the drive, talking to him all the way, and as quickly as possible finding something else fun to do. It's not ideal, but sometimes it's the best we are able to do. Usually in those cases, he switches gears pretty easily. If he really gets upset, we might say, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was so important to you," and go back and try to figure out some way to make it possible to continue what he was doing. If there really is no way to make it possible, then we empathize and keep hunting for something agreeable to do.

For toddlers who are a bit older, I know some families have found that playful and pretend solutions help transitions—like, let's pretend we're a mouse family that has to make it to their hole before the cat comes by, or here's your train ticket, let's go catch our train, etc.

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I try to be aware of when I might be expecting my child to meet my needs.That really isn't my child's responsibility, and I remind myself that I chose to be a parent. What I do instead is try to identify my need and see if I can get it met in another way. I also look at my child's need, how can it get met? Sometimes it is me reframing my original reaction—they really love turning the lights off and on, look how excited they are at making that connection—instead of I can't believe we are standing here turning the light off and on. Also realize that stages like that don't last long at all, even though they feel like they will go on forever!

Also, for me mutually agreeable doesn't mean equally sacrificing; it means actually finding solutions that work for both parties. So the shopping example: shopping has rarely been agreeable to my kids. If I have a need to shop, then I find a way to meet that separate from my kids. I'll go shopping and you and your dad go swimming. I don't see it as a tit for tat; it is valuing each person's feeling and desires and finding solutions that work for both. Yes, that is harder with a toddler, and there are more times with a toddler that you might have to reframe your own thoughts to see how the world works for them, but that doesn't mean you won't get your needs met.

When I find myself feeling frustrated with how things are going, I also Look at how I am connecting with my child. If we aren't connecting and engaging, and I'm not seeing their shine, then it makes it really hard to be together. I refocus my energy on loving my children, connecting with them, seeing what they love and how they interact with the world, just generally being in awe of these small but amazing humans that I helped bring into the world. There is no doubt it's a tough job, but it is also the most amazing experience I have ever had, and it changes so quickly. My girls are 6 and 8, and it seems light years ago that we were flipping switches and not able to sit through a meal in a restaurant. So just realizing that it won't always be like this, perhaps can free you to love it.