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Freedom
to Fly
by Ren Allen
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There's
a popular song by Switchfoot that I hear on the radio frequently with
haunting lyrics: "We were meant to live for so much more, have we lost
ourselves? Somewhere we live inside."
It speaks to me of damaged spirits, broken humans who are seeking that
wholeness for which we all long. That wholeness we were born with,
wholeness that assists us in creating the life we desire and a being
that knows the inner self. Somewhere within us all, is that perfect
child-being that began this life journey intact. The voice of that
child is the key to an authentic life, the path to healing and part and
parcel of what makes unschooling blossom.
Maybe it sounds idealistic or overly emotional, but I believe this to
be true: that which we love brings color to our lives and gives us
focus.
For most of the readers here, our children are one of the foremost
passions in our lives. Not only our children themselves, but how to
raise them in a gentle, respectful manner, how to give them freedom
while sharing information and how to help them navigate the world
without the limiting school mindset. Beyond our children, though, what
are our driving passions in life?
What catches your eye, makes your heart sing and fascinates you? How
are we as parents, being an example to our children about how to
acheive the dreams of our hearts?
If we are overly focused on what the children are learning, we might be
missing a very important part of this unschooling life—living
out the
life we envision for ourselves. This isn't an excuse to make any
child's needs less important than our own; it's simply a look at how we
as unschooling parents can pursue a life of passion while being fully
present for our children. These are not exclusive activities; they are
an important part of successful unschooling.
I think of the word "excavation" when I look back over my life
experiences that enabled me fully to trust the dreams that lay within.
The definition I love is this: "To lay bare through digging". Digging
isn't always easy work, it can get pretty ugly at times. We all need
tools to make this excavation of the inner self a more efficient
activity.
An excavation pump is a kind of dredging apparatus for underwater
excavation. I like to think of my children as my greatest "excavation
pumps"! They tend to stir up all that loose material sitting down deep
and draw it to the surface. Sometimes it's silt, but more often I'm
getting gold.
Excavating the authentic self is a journey within, but often it starts
from outside ourselves. Here are some topics to think about and tools
to utilize:
—NOURISH the passions.
—Surround yourself with positive people and role models.
—Prioritize yourself! Making yourself as important as the
people you nourish everyday does not mean putting their needs lower. It
means that you treat yourself with the same kindnesses you give them.
—Practice self-compassion. Once again, give yourself that
which you give others. You want to talk gently and respectfully to your
own children, do you talk gently and respectfully to yourself?
—Heal old hurts. Discover where the negative messages come
from because they didn't originate with YOU. Was this something your
parents told you? Something a teacher said? A societal message? Time to
release all negative self-talk and nourish yourself with kindness.
—Pay attention! Notice the colors that attract you, see the
details, give credit to the things that fascinate you, look for clues
about what that inner child loves.
Last week I was in Albuquerque for
the Live and Learn conference. While walking in Old Town a lovely sign
with sillhouettes of ravens caught my eye. I thought "nah, I need to
save my film" and didn't photograph it. Later, I was browsing through
the conference photos and saw that exact sign in someone's photo
collection. It looked great! A good reminder to me to trust that which
draws my attention.
Another useful tool in my life, has been learning to suspend my
judgment of what constitutes "beautiful" or "ugly". Analyzing objects
and art from a detached, observational point of view can give our
children a chance to gather their own messages from these experiences,
without all the baggage that judgment can bring. Observing color,
shape, style and form can be done without the personal investment that
a judgment brings. Once we proclaim something "ugly", it is rejected
and unworthy, closing the doors of learning.
Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder, and discussing the finer
points without those instant judgments can lead to fabulous
conversations.
There may be some conclusion reached later about the object's value or
lack thereof, but travel the road of observation and discussion first.
You never know where it might lead!
In learning to be observers, we can better support our own children's
efforts in the world. If the learning process is more important than
the end product, we can trust whatever experimentation is happening at
the moment. When a child trusts the parent to honor all efforts, that
trust fosters creativity and free expression. Feeling emotionally safe
is of utmost importance if the creative self is to develop fully.
As we explore our own interests and passions through the eyes of a
curious child, we become better equipped to trust our own children's
unique gifts. We can ask ourselves whether the gifts of each family
member being honored. How do you honor your gifts to the world?
In our family, we hang art up in frames to give it a feeling of
important work. We send letters and cards to family members, regardless
of the apparent "worth". We take photos of literally everything,
including lego structures, barbie dolls, food we've cooked and other
everyday activities. When we take the time to notice the work and
archive it in some fashion, it says "this activity is important; I
value what you do". I do this for myself as well as my children.
Part of free expression is using the gifts that inspire you the most.
From dance and movement (yes, tree climbing is an art form) to
arranging your room or house, to facilitating relationship issues,
creating art or poetry and much more, these actions are all part of the
human
need to create and express.
I've found that all my years of schooling generated a lot
of voices in my head that told me things like, "this isn't good enough
to share," "I'm not nearly as good as _________(fill in the blank with
just about anyone else)," or "I'm not that talented." Well guess what?
I'm not in school anymore, and I refuse to let those voices define me!
Over at Imagination Tribe, my yahoo group for celebrating creativity,
many new members lurk for a while before trying out one of the many art
trades. They grapple (as many of us do) with that feeling of
inadequacy. The only way through those feelings is to ignore them. Tell
them to shush, and move forward in spite of any fears still holding you
back from the life you deserve.
Deserve you ask? YES, we all deserve a life that is full and rich and
interesting. Your children deserve to see you as the fullest expression
of YOU! Not one other person on this earth has your unique combination
of talents, traits and gifts. You owe the universe, you owe yourself,
you owe your children the gift of being fully you.
"You" is a constantly changing and evolving entity. There is no
plateau, there is no mountain-top. Self is a river flowing deep and
wide (just like the song), and within that river there is unlimited
inspiration for free expression, a continual source of ideas if we can
only trust the process. When the inner critic rears its ugly head, we
must make a choice. A choice that allows us to heed its message or
ignore it. We have the power to choose the messages we live by, and we
can choose only positive messages.
If your child said, "but it's not good enough" to some piece of their
art that you wanted to hang, what would your response entail?
Think for a minute: would you discuss the frustration and be empathetic
about what bothered them, or would you say, "yeah, it stinks so let's
not hang it up"? Would you encourage them to understand that part of
the creative process is frustration, or would you simply dismiss the
art as unworthy? Most of us would never dismiss our own children, yet
we do that to ourselves without thought! Please, be as kind to yourself
as you are to others.
A tool we used at the Imagination Tribe talk this year at the Live and
Learn Conference was a variation on a "burning bowl" ceremony. In a
burning bowl ceremony, participants write things on a slip of paper
that they want to release from their lives and ,when ready, walk up to
a bowl with candle burning next to it. They light the paper and drop it
into the bowl, signifying a willingness to release whatever was
written. During the IT talk, we simply used a garbage can, figuring the
hotel might get a bit suspicious if smoke started filling the hallway!
After releasing our negative self-talk into the garbage, I passed
around positive affirmations about our creative selves as a replacement
for those negative messages. Positive affirmations are stated as fact,
and after a time, your mind begins to believe them.
"I am infinitely creative; I am a creative genius"
"I love my life; I create that which I desire."
"I share my gifts with the world; I trust my unique talents"
One of the affirmations came back to me in a sweet way: a new friend at
the conference handed me an ATC (Artist Trading Card) that she made
with one of the slips of paper. On it were the words, "I can visualize
my dreams into reality". What a personal and poignant reminder to trust
my own dreams and the process of bringing my gifts into the world.
Because following our own passions is a common topic at the email lists, I've
often shared personal anecdotes like the following because they
illustrate how unschooling parents can pursue their own passions while
remaining in tune with their children. Art is a big part of my life so
I'll often use that as an example.
Some of our greatest moments unfold around my home when I'm deep into
some project of my own and the kids swirl in (and sometimes back out).
When we moved into our home, I set up an art area in the garage. All of
our supplies are down there, and it's a huge, happy mess. I made sure
to put a desk and chair for smaller people so they can get to paper and
other supplies with ease.
One day, I was down there creating spirit dolls when Sierra wandered in
and got excited, so I helped her start a doll of her own. Jalen
eventually joined us and started painting and stamping while Sierra and
I continued working on our dolls.
This is a frequent scenario in our home. I'll be involved in something,
and the kids join in as they choose. All of my family members have
asked questions about the dolls and given their opinions on different
ones. Our interests overlap and affect each other—that's the
way
interests work!
While I was showing the boys a new doll, they were excitedly sharing
their day on World of Warcraft and how they were killing off Alliance
characters from a hidden vantage point that left their enemies baffled.
They were having SO much fun with it, and we were all able to share the
energy of our passions with each other.
Such a huge part of unschooling is the modeling. Do the parents have
activities they participate in just because they enjoy it? Do the
parents KNOW what their interests and passions are? Are they actively
pursuing that which brings joy? I think there's a balance of meeting
our children's needs and also having an interesting, full and bubbly
life that shows them what an authentic life looks like.
If you have very young children, it's hard to imagine having any
time...but it will come. In the mean time, interests can be adapted
around those very young children in smaller doses. Those with older
children are already in the position to freely share passionate
pursuits together, without as many constraints on time.
I strongly believe that parenthood is not a threat to the creative
processes, but a predecessor to our best and most authentic work. These
beings we have channeled through ourselves and into this world have the
capacity to bring out our greatest forms of expression as we nurture
our own inner creative child alongside them.
This article was adapted from a Live and Learn Conference presentation, titled "Case for Creativity," available on MP3 at the Live and Learn Shop.
Ren
Allen has been homeschooling since 1996 and is an active supporter of
unschooling both online and in her local community since 2000. She
assists those newer to unschooling through an online discussion group
and speaking publicly whenever possible. Passions include helping
people
explore their unique creativity through art classes, makeup artistry
and creativity workshops. She also enjoys art, writing, travel, herbal
medicine, gardening and eating truffles with a good cup of darjeeling.
You can find Ren at imaginationtribe
or unschoolingbasics,
at her website learninginfreedom.com
or by emailing her at starsuncloud@comcast.net.
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