Shine With Unschooling...

On helping easily frustrated children:

Instead of reading books or websites about other people's children with autism, become a student of your children...the specific children you have been blessed with. You can get to know your children so well that you know instantly what they need or want in any given moment. You will know what situations to avoid, which ones they should be prepared for, how to help them process what they have experienced afterwards.

—Susan McGlohn

Briefing and De-briefing is what we've always called it in our family, [name withheld]. Talk, talk, talk. Talk about life and the world and what can be expected from some situations and what to do if something unexpected happens and what time you will be leaving and how long this will last and talk about how some protein will make you feel more in control sometimes and how you're sorry that your child is so frustrated, it is difficult to do that sometimes, isn't it? Talk about what makes sense and what doesn't make so much sense, talk talk talk and listen listen listen. Conversation. Discussion. The greatest unschooling tool ever.

Life and the world can be SO overwhelming to children so often. My kids have enough of a job just being kids...I don't want to add any more anxiety or stress to their lives. I want their lives focused on Joy so that they can be Free to know Who They Are and Who They Want to Be and move in that direction all the time. And along the way, Mom is right there next to them, being their biggest fan, their tour guide, their interpreter, their translator...learning from THEM and loving seeing the world through THEIR eyes. That's the biggest thing, really...shifting your perspective to see the world through your children's eyes. That's how you become a student of your child. That's how they know someone out there understands what it's like to be them. That's how they feel validated and loved no matter what.

—Anne Ohman

On what to do when you feel like losing it:

Some days are more fragile than others. If I can catch myself before I lose it, that is a really good day, right? Then it is time to change direction, change the energy, change my mind.... I usually only "lose it" when I am feeling pressured by someone else's agenda, whether good or bad.

If we're home, I can "Stop, drop, and roll" by choosing to:

Play some music
Sing a song
Eat a snack
Take the dogs out back
Close my eyes
Suggest a game
Put on a video
Suggest that we need to go out for ice cream or to the grocery store or to the playground, or wherever.

If we are already out, I know I probably need to:

Eat
Rest
Slow everything down
Focus on the kids

If I have already lost it, then I know what I need to do:

Apologize
Ask for help
Make it right
Drop my expectations

If, however, you are talking about losing it to the point you strike your child, that is a much more serious issue, and counseling may be needed to learn how to control anger and express it in non-violent ways.

—Susan McGlohn

On helping a child shift from anxiety to joy:

One question about his gameboy game or Pokemon used to shift him IMMEDIATELY from anxiety to Joy. So that was my job, again: to keep him shifted on the side of his Joy.

I do this too! Except, for [my son], it's Yu Gi Oh or Harry Potter. Talk about switch! [his] personality is very much like a switch. He can be happy and ok one minute and something can flip his switch and his voice tone changes and he's very upset. It's sometimes something we should have known, sometimes, it's not.

I have been working on briefing and de briefing with him more and more since I started with this group and I feel the de briefing time shortening as the months progress. That's a nice feeling. Many times, it didn't even feel like I could reach him to begin with. That, on the other hand, made me feel very lost as to how to help him.

I've seen such growth with him in this past year of homeschooling. It's our first year and we've all changed so much. Someone asked me just yesterday, "So, are the kids going back to school next year?" I laughed OUT LOUD "No! It took us the whole year just to learn how to be home!"

I watched [my son] shine today. I went shopping with my two younger children and he really didn't [want] to go. He wanted to stay home with his books he just got out of the library and the volumes of Harry Potter on tape he also took out. He must have listened and read those books hundreds of times by now! JK Rowling is a genius, in my eyes. She not only came up with an amazing series but she sparked the joy of reading in so many children, mine being very much one of them!

So the point of all this was, YES YES YES... bringing up [my son's] joy centers him back to the place where he's happiest. His eyes sparkle, his voice softens, and he feels warmth and love and radiates that.

I AM so happy for this unschooling life.

—Tonya Matthews

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